Wednesday, December 21, 2005

"I Love Black People!"


Reggie Bush is currently in the process of interviewing agents for the upcoming NFL draft. I could use the $6 million that will likely come with the agent's cut, so I've been dialing every 619-###-#### combination in hopes of reaching the Bush household to schedule an interview. So far I've had no luck reaching Bush, but I was able to meet a girl with a sweet voice named Jasmine and schedule a "massage;" so it hasn't been a total loss.

According to the article, Bush has narrowed the field down to three. Here are the finalists and the skills that have gotten them this far:

Todd France: Fit both of Reggie's balls in his mouth while humming the USC marching song, "Conquest."

Joel Segal: Lubed up Bush's divining rod and let him hone his ability to 'exploit any hole.'

Leigh Steinberg: A little too graphic to actually print. Suffice it to say that it involved Traveler, and was a reinactment of the story of the Trojan Horse that you can usually only find south of the border.

My plan was just to make cupcakes, so I probably wouldn't have beaten out anyone other than Drew Rosenhaus who advised Bush that he should hold out until the NFL creates an expansion team, gives it to Reggie, names it the Bushwhackers, and guarantees them a Super Bowl appearance regardless of record.

Good luck to the three finalists. May the biggest whore win.

(Here's the pic I wanted to post with this, but I don't want anyone to get fired while they're surfing. But if you're at home, give it a click.)

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