Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Cheerleader Hall of Fame? Bring It On!

I can always count on MJD for his in-depth, hard-hitting research that reveals the kind of human interest story that makes you truly appreciate the impact that sports has in society on a day to day basis. Never was this more true than today, when he uncovered a sparsely circulated press release which announced that Proformance Sports Marketing and Entertainment, under the direction of former Dallas Cowboys cheerleader Cindy Villareal-Hughes, is in the process of developing a Cheerleading Hall of Fame. To quote MJD:

"Austin is considered a favorite to host the Hall of Fame, but it's not yet a lock. According to Shelby Bell, a PSME spokeswoman, other sites are being considered "because they are central cheerleading points of interest." I would like to direct her to another central cheerleading point of interest, located in my pants."

Of course, the next logical question is: Of all of the generous, tireless women who have shaken their asses for the masses, who is most deserving of immediate induction into the hall? If I were given a vote- and really, I think I've earned one, here would be my inaugural class (as always, larger photos are available for most images by clicking the thumbnail:

Carolina Panthers Dancers Angela Keathley and Victoria Renee Thomas.
When Angela and Victoria decided to hook up for some bathroom stall lesbian lovin in a Tampa Bay Banana Joe's, they not only elevated the discussion of cheerleaders to its rightful place as the lead story on sports talk radio, they also reassured every male out there that it's perfectly reasonable to believe everything you read in Penthouse Letters. Here is the police report from Smoking Gun if you need a refresher on the incident. The only thing missing is testimony from a bouncer which begins, "I never thought this would happen to me..."



USC Song Girls.
The SC Girls deserve their own wing in the hall for their decades of contribution to the sport. Nobody pays tribute to the tight white sweater and nobody prances around like the happiest strippers on the planet quite like the SC girls. They are a joy to behold. However in recent history, two SC girls have distinguished themselves from the pack. These two are so notorious, that even without their names being well publicized, people immediately know who they are. The first was the tall blonde who cheered for Texas in the Rose Bowl and UCLA after scores proving that in their heart of hearts, cheerleaders are just born to cheer. The second SC girl was immortalized in "FlashGate" during the Rose Bowl when her spankies became a wedgy, revealing a decent amount of underbutt during a perfectly executed spin move. Hopefully this girl will be known as a pioneer in her field; and one day, all cheerleaders will be wearing thongs under their skirts.



Courtney Cox, aka Courtney Simpson
If you don't recognize the name, it might be easier if I just say, "The ASU cheerleader who went into porn. (moderately safe for work)" Some of her titles include: "Double Dutch," "Da Vagina Code" "Frathouse F*ckfest #4" and "Honey, I Blew Up Your P*ssy, #8." She even appeared in one of her videos wearing her ASU uniform, which I don't have to tell you, is all kinds of awesome. A search for her name on one video site reveals 150 titles, which I believe makes her the most successful career woman in the history of Arizona State.



The Louisville Cheerleader Who Mistakenly Trusted Her Boyfriend
I believe Rebecca Manns' story that she never intended for these pics (not even remotely safe for work) to make their way into the public. By most accounts, she took these photos for her boyfriend and after a fight or breakup, he retaliated by putting them on the internet. Honestly, in this era of ubiquitous digital cameras, I'm surprised this doesn't happen on a daily basis. The University responded to these photos by kicking her off the squad and out of school, which is preposterous. Her parents have sued to have her reinstated, but I don't know the results of that lawsuit. I'd like to let Ms. Manns know that if Louisville administrators continue to be unreasonable, I'd be more than happy to home school her.



Cheerleaders Who Became Glamour Models.
Notice a trend here? Clothes come off, and you're a virtual lock for the HOF. Danielle Gamba was a Raiderette until nude pictures of her were discovered, upon which she was dismissed from the squad. Her firing demonstrated that Al Davis' horrendous personnel decisions extend to all realms of the organization. Bonnie Jill-Laflin cheered for the LA Lakers, Golden State Warriors, Dallas Cowboys, and San Francisco 49ers (she even has a Super Bowl ring!) before finding her true calling as a model for Mystique Magazine. She is now an assistant scout for the Los Angeles Lakers, no doubt reporting directly to Jerry Buss.



Cheerleaders Who Achieved TV Stardom.
Paula Abdul went from Laker girl to dancing with an animated cat, to the crazy, "prescription" drug-addled American Idol judge she is today. Before she was ravaged by father time, Teri Hatcher was once a Gold Rush Girl for the Niners. Stacy Keibler used her skills developed as a Ravens cheerleader to become one of the most popular girls in the WWE and is now a professional movie premiere attendee. Katie Couric, Sandra Bullock, Calista Flockhart, and Halle Berry were all high school cheerleaders.

These are but a few of the girls who have contributed to the lore of the all mighty cheerleader. I can't wait to see their busts in the hall of fame.

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8 Comments:

At Thu Feb 22, 08:25:00 AM PST , Blogger NFL Adam said...

Courtney Cox. I was trying to think of that broad's name. I also was thinking of a few more, but how about Julie McCoy (from the Love Boat) who starred in that movie about Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders?

 
At Thu Feb 22, 12:24:00 PM PST , Blogger Signal to Noise said...

Gotta nominate Erin Andrews for that HOF.

 
At Thu Feb 22, 12:35:00 PM PST , Blogger NFL Adam said...

So I forgot Stacy Kiebler, you forgot Erin Andrews. Damn, we're slipping.

 
At Thu Feb 22, 12:59:00 PM PST , Blogger insomniac said...

Terrible oversight on my part, Sig to Noise. Just inexcusable.

 
At Thu Feb 22, 01:34:00 PM PST , Anonymous Sanchez said...

Right now you are officilay my favorite person in the entire universe insomniac.

Not only that but your also up for http://shottonothing.wordpress.com 's "MAN OF THE MILLENIUM" award.

 
At Thu Feb 22, 09:59:00 PM PST , Blogger Zach Landres-Schnur said...

and insomniac, you're always good for some good photos of trim.

 
At Thu Feb 22, 10:02:00 PM PST , Blogger twins15 said...

Very nice! :)

 
At Sun Sep 28, 10:26:00 PM PDT , Anonymous Anonymous said...

The USC Song Girls are still the bosomy, well-endowed tight sweater sluts with perfect tits. Did you here of the new Song Girl scandal known as "Song Girl Gate?" Sarah Carmona of the 2003-2004 squad was an extremely busty sweater babe who is into pornographic behavior.

 

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