A lawsuit has been filed against Michael Irvin by a disgruntled and "disabled" contractor who claims that Irvin assaulted him during a dispute over the final payment for the installation of a fountain at his Plano, TX home. The contractor, Shawn Vandergrift, has accused Irvin of grabbing his left arm and causing enough pain as to require medical attention.

The story itself isn't that newsworthy. It sounds to me like a contractor who has already managed to get permanent disability for a bad hip is now looking for a bigger score from a famous name with a frivolous lawsuit. Suing because Irving grabbed his arm and yelled at him? C'mon now.

Of greater interest to me is the fountain itself. What kind of fountain would Michael Irvin choose to place at the entry to his estate?

Just a few guesses:

1. Water dripping down the ripped abs of a Terrell Owens bust.

2. Calvin peeing on Tom Jackson and Chris Berman.

3. Bikini-clad hoes wrestling in water.

4. Multiple water spouts to form shapes of "The U."

5. It's not a fountain at all, but rather a giant bong.

I guess we'll have to wait until Deion Sanders interviews him for one of those AT&T spots to find out.

Oh, and if there are any architects or designers amongst my readers, I've been wondering where I could find something along these lines...

Labels: ESPN Talking Heads, Karma