Tim Tebow Has Never Been Happier Than We Had a Filipino Boy's Penis In His Hands

Most college students spend their spring break in beach cities, drinking, partying, and having pictures taken that will eventually resurface on the internet. Florida QB Tim Tebow is not your ordinary college student. He spent his spring break touring impoverished villages in the Philippines as part of his family's "Gain Salvation, Lose Your Foreskin" missionary work.

More than 250 people underwent medical and dental procedures, some of them from "Dr. Tebow," who has no formal surgical training.

"The first time, it was nerve-racking," he said. "Hands were shaking a little bit. I mean, I'm cutting somebody. You can't do those kinds of things in the United States. But those people really needed the surgeries. We needed to help them."...

Tebow helped with the last few circumcisions, growing more comfortable with each one.

"I got a kick watching him," Bob Tebow said. "He did a great job, and he didn't look really nervous. I wouldn't let him cut on me, but he did well and helped where there was a need."

I wouldn't let him cut on me...but some poor, foreign kids? Why the hell not? I'm a little disappointed that Tebow even had to use a scalpel. I would have thought that the Heisman winner would have only needed to scowl at the penises and the foreskin would have leapt off in fright.

Making the boys more presentable for future work in porn wasn't the only task at hand for the mission. After locals heard a brief Christian sermon, they were given a physical, had any cysts or rotten teeth removed, and were given needed much medical supplies. The demand for their services was so great that the mission had to turn away roughly 50 people at sundown. By the end of the day, most villagers returned home a little healthier, not quite as heatheny, and just little less sheathed than when they arrived.

Just another remarkable performance for the growing legend that is Tim Tebow.

(H/T: Wizard of Odds)