Jesus Thinks It Would Be Best If Larry Miller Didn't Watch His Jazz Get Swept

This Sunday at 12:30 pst, the Utah Jazz will host the Los Angeles Lakers in the fourth, and quite possibly last, game of their series. During that time, Jazz owner and Latter Day Saint Larry Miller and I will have something in common. Neither of us will be watching the game. Larry Miller won't be in his courtside seat because he will be out on the road contemplating his spirituality, whereas I will be out having brunch with my mother in-law. Advantage: Miller.

This development is nothing new, (although it has been a few years since it's been an issue) as Miller has chosen for quite some time not to attend home playoff games on Sundays, believing that non-spiritual activities should be avoided that day. If that's how Miller believes he should honor his faith, then that's fine. We live in a society where we're free to follow the teachings of Joseph Smith, L. Ron Hubbard, Jesus, or anyone else who had a way with words. (And if I published blog posts more often, perhaps I'd have a few followers of my own.) I just wish that if Larry Miller really believed in not performing non-spiritual activities on Sundays, that he went all the way through with it. While he might not be attending the game, as an owner, he is still conducting business and profiting on the Lord's day.

If Larry Miller were really committed to his religion, then game tickets on Sundays should be free and beer should be sold at cost. That's some spiritual enlightenment that everyone can support. Well, except for any Mormons in attendance who couldn't actually drink the beer. In their consideration, root beer will be a quarter.

Also, I'd advise Larry Miller to avoid attending game 3 tonight too. Sure it's a Friday night, but if he felt compelled to ban Brokeback Mountain from his movie theaters because its content offended his religious sensibilities, then he's really going to be offended by what he sees on the court tonight. If the first two games of this series are any indicator, then Kobe Bryant is going to treat Matt Harpring like a starstruck room service attendant who stays for an extra tip. I've never actually read the Book of Mormon, but I'm pretty sure it says somewhere in the Book of Nephi that thou shalt not enter heaven through the back door. Or something like that.

Jesus Take the Word Processer

If you are a head coach and your team wins a championship, then it's pretty standard that you'll be given a book deal. I mean even this guy has a book out. So it really comes as no surprise that today marks the release of Tony Dungy's memoirs: Quiet Strength: The Principles, Practices, & Priorities of a Winning Life. What was unexpected however was this lead-in on the SI.com story covering the release of the new book:

Colts coach Tony Dungy said some football fans may be surprised that his memoir "Quiet Strength," which hits stores Tuesday, goes beyond Super Bowl tales and delves into his Christian faith.

Which football fans would those be? The ones who were out of the country for the months of January and February and missed every playoff interview with Coach Dungy? He called out God's name more than a teenage boy receiving his first hummer. I'm actually more surprised that the memoirs go beyond his Christian faith and actually delve into Super Bowl tales. In fact, I fully expect his retelling of the Super Bowl to read something along these lines:

As the rain began to fall in Miami, it was as if I was being baptized all over again. I usually get baptized every Saturday anyway just to remind the Lord how committed I am to Him, but this baptism fell especially purifying. Then the Lord appeared before me in the form of two shaking pom poms and said, "Fear not. For last night, I sent an Angel to Bears defensive coordinator Ron Rivera who told him to play a soft cover-2 defense without putting any pressure on the quarterback. And lo, while Peyton Manning may toucheth a man and Dominic Rhodes drinks often from old wineskins, today they are made clean. For you are the chosen one who shall bring glory to My Name. Now go tell your people that we are even for that whole Katrina thing."

I think he's got himself a bestseller.

Lost in Thought After a Busy Day in Sports

The Chargers named Norv Turner as their head coach and The Hater Nation is not very pleased with the move. But I think he's being too hard on Turner's ability to lead the Chargers. Norv is taking over for a team that went 14-2. All he has to do is duplicate that record for the next two seasons and he'll be a .500 coach for his career.

NFL Adam's stance that Norv Turner is a horrible coach is hardly a minority opinion. Many people believe that Turner is good as an offensive coordinator but lacks the qualities to be an effective head coach. Among those people is former wide receiver and tango dancer, Jerry Rice. In Rice's new book, Rice says that Turner, "was never really head coach material ... He couldn't control the players and guys like Charles Woodson walked all over him." I'll give him a pass on Woodson- nobody has been able to turn him into anything resembling an NFL player. But one thing Turner did have some control over however was Rice's streak of consecutive games with a catch, which ended while Norv was his head coach in Oakland. So while I don't doubt that Turner was never exactly a taskmaster with the Raiders, I'm also certain that Rice harbors some serious resentment towards Norv for letting that streak come to an end.

It was also announced today that Ted Cottrell and Ron Rivera will be joining the Chargers as their defensive coordinator and linebacker coach, respectively. For Ron Rivera, going from the defensive coordinator of a Super Bowl team to the LB coach of an also-ran could be seen as a demotion; but if so, it's a rather soft landing. At Chicago, he had Lance Briggs and Brian Urlacher at his disposal. Now with the Chargers, it will be his job to coach Shawne Merriman- not exactly the most difficult assignment. As long as Merriman doesn't get suspended again or pull a hamstring doing his Lights Out dance, Rivera should once more look like a defensive mastermind and be a viable candidate for head coach opportunities in the 2008 offseason.

The Colts slapped the franchise tag on Dwight Freeney, thereby guaranteeing that he will be wearing the horseshoe for at least one more year. While Freeney is obviously very talented, I'm surprised by this move. I would have thought that Tony Dungy would have allowed Freeney to go free, knowing in his heart that Freeney would re-sign with the Colts if it was all part of God's plan.

Tom Brady is going to be the father of Bridget Moynahan's baby. I guess Brady wasn't using his five layers of protection that night. Maybe Brady didn't think it was necessary. He probably assumed that if his boys were anything like everyone else associated with the Patriots, they'd never be able to run the right route in a pressure moment.

I know the rankings are a "what have you done for me lately" system, but it's absurd that Ohio State is #1 in the Coaches/ESPN poll. I'm trying to figure out what it was that impressed the voters so much. Was it their loss to Wisconsin, their losing trip to North Carolina, or their 26 point beating from Florida that convinced everyone that the Buckeyes were the best team in the nation?

Alex Rodriguez confirmed that his relationship with Derek Jeter isn't as close as it once was:
"The reality is there's been a change in the relationship over 14 years and, hopefully, we can just put it behind us," he went on. "You go from sleeping over at somebody's house five days a week, and now you don't sleep over." ARod might feel a tad hurt by this development, but of course he's not going to sleep over anymore. When the choices for Jeter are ARod or: Mariah Carey, Lara Dutta, Jordanna Brewster, Vanessa Minnillo, Gabrielle Union, Jessica Alba, or Scarlett Johansson, chances are slim that he's going to be inviting ARod in to play with the XBox and drink Keystone Light all night.