Patriotic Girls Shall Set Them Free

Hope you enjoyed your Independence Day. My tradition of spending the 4th on the beach has been delayed until the weekend. Of course, since I'm spending this entire week almost entirely indoors, I can expect to get burned to a crisp once we finally make it out to Hermosa Beach. But it will be worth it.

I'm having some trouble uploading from the hospital this week; but if I make a coffee run later this afternoon, I'll be sure to throw a post up while I'm out. And if I can't think of anything to write, maybe I'll just toss up a pic of a chick in a bikini. Judging by my hits the last week, I have a feeling people like that kind of thing. You perverts.

I Sure Do Miss Football

The New England Patriots Cheerleaders have released a few photos from their recent calendar photoshoot:







2008 is looking like a fantastic year for the Pats.

Nellie Gives Cuban a Golden Shower

There was a magical performance in California Thursday. A true thing of beauty. It was a vision that even the most loyal fans wouldn't allow themselves to dream because they knew there was no chance of it ever becoming reality. And yet somehow it did.

Stacy Keibler squeezed into a sports bra and participated in a beach volleyball tournament.

Keibler, having parlayed her Dancing With the Stars appearance into a career as a movie premiere attendee, has taken on a new challenge. Luckily for us, it involves wearing minimal clothing, body contortions, and lots of sweating. Keibler chose the Huntington Beach stop on the AVP tour to make her debut. Unfortunately, her underhand serve and limited spiking ability led to a 21-7, 21-11 defeat for her and her partner, Jessie Cooper. The score was respectable enough that Ms. Keibler should be encouraged to continue to pursue this quest. Hopefully, she'll give it another run in two weeks when the AVP goes to Hermosa Beach. I'm sure I could free up some time Thursday to help her with her serve and Brazilian ass slapping technique.


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Oh yeah, there was also a basketball game in California. I almost forgot about that. A few thoughts...

It sure was considerate of Dallas to just quit at the start of the 4th quarter so that basketball fans on the east coast could get some sleep. It was the most anticipated game of the playoffs so far, and tipoff was scheduled for after 10pm est. It's like David Stern called in sick on the day the playoff schedule was set and he asked Bud Selig to fill in for him. On the plus side, it was fun to see Charles Barkley falling asleep on live tv.

After watching Steven Jackson torch the Mavericks, will the other GMs in this copycat league decide that a crazy person is an essential element for a playoff team? Qyntel Woods, Ron Artest, Ricky Davis, and Latrell Sprewell might want to stay by their phone just in case.

Does anyone know what Mark Cuban said to the TNT cameras immediately after the game? I've rewound it on my TIVO a few dozen times and I still can't figure it out.

Congrats, Warriors fans. You've now got the reputation as the best crowd in the NBA, and you've earned it. But for round 2, can you please lose the thundersticks? You're loud enough on your own- you don't need the gimmick. Just remember what you thought about Sacramento fans and their damn cowbells and leave the inflatables at home.

Speaking of the fans, I know she doesn't have the instant notoriety of the F*ck Da Eagles chick in New Orleans, but could someone with Maxim find the identity of the blonde standing courtside in the blue tank top with the F*ck Me eyes and get her a pictorial pronto?

So how does Game 6 affect Baron Davis' reputation as being injury prone? Yes, he left the game early with a hamstring pull, but he also came back with a gritty, game-deciding performance. As one reader emailed me during the game: the announcers wanted to compare this to Willis Reed. But this wasn't Willis Reed. This was Kirk Gibson.

This may be one of the great upsets in NBA history, but Warriors coach Don Nelson is taking everything in stride. In fact, he's spending this victorious night in the same way he spends every other night. By drinking a fifth of gin and then passing out on top of a prostitute who may or may not be a she-male.

Patriots Cheerleaders May Need Help Oiling Up

This might be old news that I just missed while I was out. It seems like the kind of thing that With Leather would have been all over. So if this is indeed outdated, I apologize.

The New England Patriots recently began their auditions for this year's cheerleading squad. An initial group of 300 has been reduced down to 55. These girls will compete with the existing squad in April to determine the final composition of the 24 girl team. Once the roster is finalized, the cheerleaders will be off to Punta Cana to shoot their 2008 calendar. Accompanying them on the April 28 to May 5 shoot will be a video crew to document the magic.

But why should the camera crew get to have all the fun? Now you can stalk and ogle the Patriots cheerleaders too! An online travel agent has put together a package so that the average horny Joe can stay at the same resort as the Patriots girls while they shoot their calendar. For the low, low rate of $690 for 5 nights with air included (from NYC), any loyal NFL fan can troll the Majestic Colonial Punta Cana in the hopes of stumbling across a cheerleader bikini photoshoot (wow, those three words look beautiful put together.) And even if you don't see the shoot itself, chances are pretty good that you'd run into a few girls working on their tans by the pool. Plus, it's an all-inclusive resort, so it won't even cost you anything extra to order Ashleigh vanGerven (pictured) a drink.

Sure, it might at first seem a little creepy and sad to fly to the Dominican Republic just to try to see a few cheerleaders in their bikinis. But I think the sadder alternative is not trying at all. So have a great trip. And send me lots of photos. And just a word of advice- when you talk to a hostess in the Dominican, make sure you say Punta Cana and not Puta Canta, or you might have some strange results.