Bruce Pearl Would Like to Run the Spread Offense With Erin Andrews

March is right around the corner and this is usually the time of year that serious contenders for the NCAA championship start playing their best basketball in preparation for the tournament. However more than anything, this past week has exposed flaws in all of this year's favorites to win the title. Fortunately for these teams, recent history- as illustrated by Florida the last two seasons- has shown that losses in late February can be overcome. Nonetheless, if these hopeful champions want to realize their dreams, they all have something to work on over the next few weeks.

A few observations from the day in hoops:

I've never seen a John Calipari practice, but I can only assume he runs it like one long pickup game. That's the only way I can explain that Memphis' entire offensive scheme seems to be "whoever has the ball- try to take your guy off the dribble." Granted, their guards are quick enough that it's not the worst strategy; but once they encounter a team that plays good interior help defense, they're in trouble. The other problem with playing like it's a pickup game is that there aren't any free throws on the playground, and it looks like the Tigers don't want to shoot any in regular games either. Memphis is still in line to get a #1 seed, but if I were a fan of any of the teams ranked #5-8 right now, I'd really be hoping my team was given the #2 seed in the Tigers bracket.

UCLA managed to rally to win today, but they have some red flags of their own on offense. Namely, their outside shooting has completely abandoned them. Josh Shipp is now in an 0 for 20 slump from beyond the arc and looks very hesitant with the ball in his hands. Combine that with what have been some very stagnant offensive sets (From the first team, at least. Lorenzo Mata-Real has actually provided a lot of energy and motion for the team recently) and you've got a team that struggles to score in the halfcourt game. Fortunately for the Bruins, they force a lot of turnovers to get points in transition and Kevin Love is able to sell contact to get to the free throw line. Still, if they want to return to the Final Four, somebody (ideally Shipp, but otherwise Westbrook) is going to have to become a viable threat from outside.

Speaking of Love, he looked very lethargic throughout the game today. Actually, he looked downright sleepy. I don't know if he was out at a karaoke bar with Maarty Leunen all night or what, but he certainly wasn't in any condition to be on a basketball court. At one point in the first half, he took a hit under the basket and stayed on the floor for an extended period of time. I don't think he was hurt either. I'm pretty sure he was taking a nap.

The Pac-10 has been spending the last month trumpeting themselves as the best conference in the country, but I want to dispel that myth right now. For one, Washington State, Arizona State, and Oregon are all playing a worse brand of basketball now than they were a month ago. But more importantly, you can't be the best conference in basketball if you have the worst officiating in basketball; and this season, the zebras have established a new low. Trying to figure out how a Pac-10 official is going to call any given play is like trying to guess where the Plinko chip is going to land in Price is Right.

With all of the coaches, players, and fans yelling at you for every perceived mistake, I never understood why anyone would want to be a referee- unless maybe you hated basketball players growing up and this was your way to get revenge. It seems like such a thankless job. But then I learned today about one of the fringe benefits of being an official- reach arounds with nubile, young cheerleaders:


Combine that with the fact that you can be utterly incompetent and still never get fired, and maybe it's not that bad of a gig afterall...

Wendy Nix was working the sidelines for ESPN during the Indiana mutiny at Northwestern, which I think is a good assignment for her, as she is "Midwestern hot." I can't really figure her look out. She's either a former big girl who lost a lot of weight or she's a former skinny girl who's now on the precipice of getting big- kind of like a one-time beauty pageant contestant when she becomes a housewife...

As for the Hoosiers, it looks like it is not only his players but also his coaches who are distraught about Kelvin Sampson's dismissal. At this point, it's hard to imagine Indiana being able to put it together and make a deep run into the tournament. I think their only hope might be if Kelvin Sampson puts on a disguise and coaches from the stands, a la Bobby Valentine for the Mets back in the day.

I didn't see the Kansas/Oklahoma State game, but just judging by the box score, it looks like the only reason Kansas lost is because they let a 5'11" guard go to the line 18 times. I'm not sure how that happens, but in a season that features guards such as Derrick Rose, Eric Gordon, Darren Collison, Jerryd Bayless, Russell Westbrook, and DJ Augustin, there are plenty of reasons for Jayhawks fans to be nervous about another early exit in March.

So now Tennessee is the new number one team in the land. It's a ranking they've certainly earned by winning at Memphis, and their victory today was even more impressive when you consider that Volunteers coach Bruce Pearl was more focused on penetrating Erin Andrews' defense than that of Memphis. I know Tennessee is known for their hound dogs, but let's take it down a notch, ok Bruce? You're coming off greasier than that bronzing cream you rub on your body before each game. Here's a snippet from one of their encounters today. Check out the Berman eyes he gives her:



I do kind of like the role reversal tho. Usually it's the ESPN personalities who are drooling over the coaches. Maybe it's time for coaches to return the favor.

Just don't pull that stunt with Erin Andrews while Brent Musburger is calling the game or he'll whoop your ass.

(photo from The Big Lead)

Oh, But For a Fleeting Glimpse of Erin Andrews

A few people have hit me up with emails asking me if I took any pictures of Erin Andrews while I was at the UCLA vs Arizona game. Well, yes I did, but unfortunately, the vast majority of the photos came out blurry. Very disappointing. I would take a shot with everything seemingly in focus, but then when reviewing the photo on my display, it would be a giant blur. Eventually, I began to wonder if ESPN was somehow jamming the autofocus on my camera. Later, I was comforted by the words of Mitch Hedberg, and it was speculated that maybe Erin Andrews is actually blurry in real life. Like Bigfoot.



But after the game, I just happened to stumble across the ESPN production truck (hey if you leave a security gate open, people are going to wonder what's on the other side). Ms. Andrews was kind enough to pose for a quick picture with me (I've cropped myself out of that one for your benefit), and this time she was in focus, but covered in shadows. That girl's a chameleon I tell you! No wonder fellow reptilian, Steve Lavin, is so enamored with her.

Here are the few photos that made the cut:

Erin Andrews Smiles While Giving Head

And if you think the only reason I'm even bothering to post this video is to write that title, you'd be absolutely right.

Just beyond the centerfield wall at Tropicana Field in Tampa Bay, the Devil Rays feature cownose rays in an attraction known as The Rays Touch Tank. Monday night during the ESPN broadcast of the Yankees/Devil Rays game, Rick Sutcliffe sent Erin Andrews over there to solve that thing:



Sorry about the lighting for this clip. It looks like the cameraman wasn't allowed to use his on-camera light since there was a game going on the background. Whatever. I could understand the courtesy if the game was between a couple of contenders, but this was just the Devil Rays and Yankees.

Be Careful What You Do In A Bar With YouTube Around

This is pretty much for my amusement, but you might enjoy it as well. During the Michigan State/Michigan game, Brent Musburger and Steve Lavin had a brief conversation about the dangers of "that Google thing" and YouTube.



There's footage of Erin Andrews on YouTube? What kind of devious bastard would do that? I'm sure Erin, Holly Rowe, and Heather Cox are pleased to know that Lavin spends his time after games searching YouTube for various sideline reporters. But hey, even greasy-haired, cliche-spewing, charlatan announcers need pleasure too. Tho I feel shafted in the deal. With one clip, I have provided Lavin with more entertainment than he ever gave me while he was wasting young athletes' talent at UCLA.

As for Musburger's comments, I'm not exactly sure what to make of them. Is he upset that he can no longer go to a local watering hole and get loaded on Scotch without the world knowing about it (a fair complaint if you ask me- I'd be pissed too)? Or, was Brent making a subtle reference to another ESPN employee whose barroom prowess is now legendary?

Erin Andrews is Dazzling

For those that missed it Saturday night, ESPN finally relented to the demands of all my letters and emails and dug up some old footage of Erin Andrews from her days as a Florida Dazzler.



It's pretty much like I had always imagined it would be. Except at the end, she doesn't slowly pull off her top and dance on my lap.