Tim Tebow Has Never Been Happier Than We Had a Filipino Boy's Penis In His Hands

Most college students spend their spring break in beach cities, drinking, partying, and having pictures taken that will eventually resurface on the internet. Florida QB Tim Tebow is not your ordinary college student. He spent his spring break touring impoverished villages in the Philippines as part of his family's "Gain Salvation, Lose Your Foreskin" missionary work.

More than 250 people underwent medical and dental procedures, some of them from "Dr. Tebow," who has no formal surgical training.

"The first time, it was nerve-racking," he said. "Hands were shaking a little bit. I mean, I'm cutting somebody. You can't do those kinds of things in the United States. But those people really needed the surgeries. We needed to help them."...

Tebow helped with the last few circumcisions, growing more comfortable with each one.

"I got a kick watching him," Bob Tebow said. "He did a great job, and he didn't look really nervous. I wouldn't let him cut on me, but he did well and helped where there was a need."

I wouldn't let him cut on me...but some poor, foreign kids? Why the hell not? I'm a little disappointed that Tebow even had to use a scalpel. I would have thought that the Heisman winner would have only needed to scowl at the penises and the foreskin would have leapt off in fright.

Making the boys more presentable for future work in porn wasn't the only task at hand for the mission. After locals heard a brief Christian sermon, they were given a physical, had any cysts or rotten teeth removed, and were given needed much medical supplies. The demand for their services was so great that the mission had to turn away roughly 50 people at sundown. By the end of the day, most villagers returned home a little healthier, not quite as heatheny, and just little less sheathed than when they arrived.

Just another remarkable performance for the growing legend that is Tim Tebow.

(H/T: Wizard of Odds)

Bobby Knight Is Worse Than Cancer

Former Oklahoma Sooner and NBA power forward Wayman Tisdale is one year into his recovery from a cancerous cyst in his knee. During that time, he has undergone chemotherapy, numerous surgeries, and now requires the aid of a cane when walking. And yet remarkably, this hasn't been the most punishing time of his life. That honor goes to the time he spent with Bobby Knight while preparing for the 1984 olympics:

"I remember my time with Bobby Knight and the Olympic team in 1984. That's what I think about a lot. I didn't think I could push through that. Had I quit then, I probably would have quit now. But I remember the punishment I put myself through then. 'C'mon, man. If I can handle that, I can do this.' "

Tisdale is right. Sure, cancer can kick your ass. But it never calls you a "sunt".

If Knight decides to return to coaching, perhaps he can use this anecdote on the recruiting trail. He can tell parents that if their child can successfully navigate their way through four years with him, then they can successfully navigate their way through anything else in life. Well, except for managing or coaching a professional basketball organization.

Writing About Teen Athletes Isn't All Bad

So this week, many members of the mainstream media- Washington Post, Fox News, Chicago Tribune, etc.- took the opportunity to chastise sports blogs for putting a spotlight on Allison Stokke, a world class high school pole vaulter whose pictures of her looking sexy in competition were suddenly all over the internet. Of course the reality is, the only thing blogs did differently than conventional media was picking a sport- track and field- that doesn't usually get much coverage. Had Stokke been an elite tennis player (Sharapova/Kournikova) or golfer (Michelle Wie), then the major sports networks would have already consumed this high school player years ago, capitalizing on both her athletic ability and good looks to improve ratings. Regardless, this week many news outlets derided sports blogs as being nothing more than immature, lecherous, and disrespectful. Granted we may be all of those things, but to imply that we're nothing more than that is just irresponsible. There is much more to the internet community than that. For example:

Yesterday, I was watching the LPGA Ginn Tribute hosted by Annika to leer at 17 year-old Michelle Wie, when I noticed a 15 year-old who was much more compelling.

(Ok, this is off to a bad start. Let's try a more conventional approach.)

Avid golf fans may already know her name, but MacKinzie Kline is still a relative unknown on the LPGA tour. She may only be a 15 year-old amateur, but she has already made sports history. When the Ginn Tribute teed off yesterday, MacKinzie became the first LPGA player to be allowed to use a cart in competition. Born with a congenital birth defect in which her heart has only one ventrical and oxygenated blood flows poorly throughout her body, Kline tires easily. Along with her clubs, she must carry oxygen with her at all times in order to complete her round. Despite her physical limitations, she has excelled in the amateur ranks, and last year was the top ranked 14 year-old golfer in the world according to GolfWeek.

For the last five years, MacKinzie has been a national spokesperson for the Childrens Heart Foundation, an organization which funds research and raises awareness in the battle against congenital heart defects. Her goal is to raise one million dollars by the end of 2007 and she is currently three-fourths of the way there. She is hoping to secure a contribution from the Ginn Tribute (hosted by Annika Sorenstam, who herself is an ambassador for the Make-A-Wish Foundation and has already named that charity as one of the benefactors of the tournament). (The tournament also has a $2.6 million purse, so the golfers themselves have plenty to gain as well.)

MacKinzie Kline was noticeably nervous at the beginning of her round yesterday and had early struggles. By the end of the day, she found herself in last place, at +14. But Kline was able to accomplish something that Michelle Wie wasn't. She finished her round. In doing so, she showed everyone that she has the heart of a champion.

For more stories on MacKinzie Kline, check out:
USA Today
San Diego Union
MackinzieKline.com