Thursday, March 13, 2008

Hitchhiking Down the Information Superhighway

The college basketball regular season is over, which means no more games at Pauley Pavilion; and therefore, no more pictures of the UCLA Dance Team (unless a generous benefactor wants to get me courtside seats for the tournament). So, since none of you hornballs are going to stick around to read this text scrolling across the page, here are some links to some of the better writing on the internet.

The Hater Nation has been on fire lately. (And why shouldn't it? With stories about the Rams, Raiders, and Eli Manning in the news, that's right in NFL Adam's wheelhouse.) Do yourself a favor and read the comments on the JaMarcus Russell post, "JaMarcus the Hut." It's like the Deadspin comedy pyramid...except with comedy. (I kid, Deadspinners, I kid.)

Somehow I had missed that D-leaguer Rod Benson was now blogging at Yahoo. It might have to do with the fact that Yahoo does a terrible job in promoting their bloggers. Or maybe I'm just losing touch. Anyway, while Benson's Toy Story reference is great, the line of the week comes from his agent, who explained the way selections for call-ups work thusly:
"It's not like at Cal where a certain score produced an automatic 'A'." Now I suppose the agent could have been talking about scores on an exam, but I prefer to think he was referring to points in a game transferring into grades in the classroom. I'm pretty sure that's how it worked for Jason Kidd.

Kaz Matsui missed yesterday's Grapefuit League game because of anal fissures. As has been mentioned at Deadspin and The Big Lead, do NOT google image search that term. You will regret it. Do I happen to have any devoted Astros fans amongst my readership who may have watched or listened to the game? I'm dying to know if the announcer- using the common shorthand of this day- said that Matsui was "out with an anus."

Want to know a surefire way to start a brawl in baseball? Just execute the maneuver displayed in this post at The Sporting Blog. That should do the trick.

Sam Mellinger of the Kansas City Star interviewed Michael Schur, aka Ken Tremendous, of Fire Joe Morgan in his blog. He's around my age and far more talented and successful than most of us (myself included) will ever be. It's very depressing. I highly recommend reading it. This is also probably the only time I'll get the chance to link to a Royals blog before they're out of contention.

In other interview news, rstiles of Stiles Points has just added another segment in his Beers With Bloggers feature. Ya know, that interviewee has some potential. I think some high-paying media group should snatch him up while he's still on the market!

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Thursday, February 07, 2008

So This Is What Can Happen With Consistent Effort?

Last night, it was revealed that the lead author ("Ken Tremendous") of one my favorite blogs, Fire Joe Morgan, is actually Michael Schur, a former SNL writer and presently striking writer for The Office.

Dammit, this is depressing. I hate when talented blogger types are also motivated, industrious, successful people. I prefer to think of them all as I view myself- lazy, undisciplined, yet moderately creative types who would be successful if only they ever got their act together.

You'd think that perhaps such a revelation would get me to concetrate (sic) my efforts to expand my readership beyond friends, fellow bloggers, and oversexed, voracious masturbators (there may be some overlap in those categories), but so far, all it's done is make me crack open a few beers with lunch....oh, and search my hard drive for a picture of Jenna Fischer's butt. So there's that.

(Also: Props to this diligent blogger who had already deduced KT's real identity months ago. Impressive work. Maybe for their next piece of detective work, they can figure out who stole the identity of Eli Manning over the last two months.)

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Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Hopefully Michael Will Stick to the Watermelon

The only reason to watch MNF last night would have been if you had fantasy players active in that game. Although if you had a fantasy roster that included players from the Saints and Falcons, your season was probably screwed a long time ago anyway. So assuming you found other things to do, you missed Arthur Blank's enlightened view on second chances:



Uh oh. Sounds like Mr. Blank has been reading too many encyclopedias lately:



...As for the rest of the game, check out the commentary from NFL Adam over at The Hater Nation. I couldn't have written it drunker myself.

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Thursday, August 23, 2007

Life Lessons From Bill Walton and MJD

While I miss the unadulterated, irreverent genius of www.mightymjd.com, the creator and madman, MJD, is still able to put together moments of brilliance in the sanitized environment of the AOL FanHouse. One such moment came from his recap of the Team USA matchup in the FIBA tournament versus Venezuela :

Being that this game has been a blowout since the opening tip, Bill Walton is going off on a tangent about Donaghy, Michael Vick, all the ridiculous things that have happened this summer in sports. He says, "Forty years ago when I was a teenager, we had the summer of love. This is the summer of madness!" And you know, he's right ... Sometimes, I think we'd all be better off if Bill Walton was in charge. Michael Vick makes dogs fight, and instead of outrage and protest and prison sentences, we'd just get like 100 people to show up at his house, each of them hug him, get him high, drop some LSD, explain that dogs are beautiful creatures, and then we'd pet them and give them Snausages, and when they went to sleep, we'd all just take our clothes off and see where the night takes us. It's a better way to do things.



MJD is a wise man. Not wise in the way that you'd ever want him near your children or setting public policy. But wise in a "he'd be a good guy to have sitting at the bar while you drink away your problems" kind of way. He's like King Solomon...if Solomon was belligerent and horny.

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Friday, February 16, 2007

Everything is Funnier at 4 am

Why are you reading this site when there's so much good stuff over at We Are the Postmen right now? Trust me, you gotta check them out today. They're on fire. Some might even say they're flamin'.

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