I'm Not the Only One With a Playoff Hangover

You've gotta hand it to the Dallas Cowboys. They obviously are well aware of the curse that comes with being the Super Bowl loser and wanted no part of it. Rather than subject themselves to a miserable 2008 season, Wade Phillips and Jason Garrett masterminded a beautiful tank job to give the team a chance for next year. Very shrewd move...

Meanwhile, the Cowboys might want to look at the fine print on the 4 year, $14 million contract extension that they gave Patrick Crayton before the start of the playoffs. Can they get their bonus money back if Crayton forgets some of the fundamentals of his position, like running routes and catching the ball?

For as much trouble as Terrell Owens is, I think I'd rather have him on my roster than Marvin Harrison. At least Owens looks like he wants to be out on the field. In 15 career playoff games, Harrison has two touchdowns, which both came in the 41-10 route that Indy had over Denver in 2003. That is pathetic, especially considering that Peyton Manning has been his QB for all but one of those games. Yesterday, he looked like the little league player who would rather pick flowers in the outfield than pay attention to the game. Hopefully, he'll do everyone a favor and retire in the offseason.

Even if the Chargers are forced to go with Volek and Michael Turner against the Patriots, they should be safe from breaking the record for worst margin of defeat in AFC Championship game history. For that, they can thank the 1990 Los Angeles Raiders, whose QBs threw 6 ints in a 51-3 loss to the Buffalo Bills. So if Charger fans are looking for any silver lining in the possibility of Volek starting, well, at least he isn't Jay Schroeder. Also, not being on the field will give Philip Rivers more time to yell at New England fans from the sidelines.

If the AFC playoffs have taught us nothing, it's that the best way to insure you'll advance in the playoffs is to load up your team with as many douchebags as possible. Given that trend, maybe the Cowboys should look into signing Chad Johnson in the offseason. Line up "Ocho-Cinco" opposite of "I love me some me" and the Cowboys will be unstoppable in the NFC...

Speaking of unstoppable: All this time, everyone assumed it was Eli Manning that was responsible for the Giants' problems over the past few years. That impression was certainly a mistake. Obviously, it was Tiki Barber that was holding the team back all this time. It's just a shame that CBS has the Super Bowl this year because it would be a great joy to see Tiki Barber have to provide pregame analysis while his former teammates prepared to play in the Super Bowl.

Of course for that to happen, the Giants will have to get past the Packers in Green Bay first. Not an easy task, but one that I think they're up to. They proved in Buffalo a few weeks ago that their running game could excel in the snow. Besides, it seems like a close NFC Championship game loss for the Packers would be the perfect scenario to convince Brett Favre that he wants to come back for another season or three, since the team would be so close to taking that next step.

A few weeks ago, the rumor was that Tom Coughlin would be fired in the offseason and replaced by Jason Garrett. Now, it looks like the Coughlin era will continue for at least another season, and Garrett's star is fading faster than the one on Romo's helmet. Things are so bad for Garrett that at this point, it's hard to see him even being a candidate to accept and later quit the Falcons job.

Finally, shares of Kimberly-Clark (ticker: KMB) were up a little over 1 percent at the close of trading today. No doubt this spike is in anticipation of the heavy demand for Kleenex this weekend, as both Brett Favre and Tom Brady will be featured in a Championship game, and it's expected to get a little messy within a 3 foot radius of any broadcaster or sportswriter with a free hand.

Rambling Away On a Sleepless Night

It's 4:15 and I still haven't fallen asleep yet. That would be fine if I were in a Vegas casino right now, but unfortunately, I'm just sitting on the couch watching ESPNews. For about the 12th time, I've seen Hope Solo throw Brianna Scurry under the bus and a forlorn Willie Randolph at a loss to explain the Mets untimely collapse; and the whole time, my mind has chosen this as the soundtrack for those stories:



Sorry, I know that clip has nothing to do with sports, but Brandi McClain (the blonde) was a memorable part of puberty for me way back in 1989, and I thought it would be nice to see this vid when I wake up in a couple hours.

In a tepid effort to make this seem like an actual sports post, here is a quick trip in the wayback machine to the state of baseball in 1989, the year "Free Fallin'" was made:

The Mets finished 2nd in the NL East to the Chicago Cubs behind the bats of cork lover Howard Johnson, coke lover Darryl Strawberry, and chick magnet Lenny Dystrka. (Dykstra had been heard to meet women at a bar and greet them with this line: "I'm Lenny Dykstra. Want to suck my c*ck?"). Also top prospect and baseball card collection killer Gregg Jefferies finished the season with a batting average of .258.

The Royals were a legitimate baseball team, finishing in 2nd place in the AL West with 92 wins, thanks to guys like Brett Saberhagen, Bo Jackson, Danny Tartabull, and George Brett. That was their last 90+ win season.

The A's swept the Giants in the World Series; however, the series is better remembered for the earthquake which severely damaged the Bay Bridge and among other things, caused a 10 day delay in between games. Here's one interesting tidbit, courtesy of Armchair GM, from the day of the quake:
"Joe Torre...at the time working as a special guest analyst for ESPN...was given the task of playing roving reporter (interviewing players such as Rickey Henderson and Dave Parker) immediately following the earthquake. Torre was with Chris Berman in the upper deck section when the earthquake hit. Torre had to convince Berman about three times to walk down the steps for safety." I won't mock Berman for being shaken in an earthquake because I've been through plenty and seen people emotionally scarred by them, but I do find it telling that Joe Torre was level-headed and focused during a time of turmoil.

The Yankees, managed by Dallas Green and Bucky Dent, finished 13 games under .500. Fire Joe Morgan favorite Mike Pagliarulo hit .197 that year. Interestingly, Pags played alongside Bob Geren, who is now the manager of the Oakland A's as well as a longtime friend of GM Billy Beane. Beane is oftentimes a target of derision on Mike Pagliarulo's website. A more enterprising writer might look into that sometime.

A 24 year-old Barry Bonds looked like this:


It was a long time ago indeed.

McNabb Needs To Play Every Week Like It's Shark Week

This is not a fun time to be Donovan McNabb. It must be unsettling when he lines up behind center and realizes that Kevin Curtis and Jason Avant are the only guys that can save him from being replaced by Kevin Kolb as the Eagles QB next season. He might think there will be greener pastures on other rosters, but considering that right now, Daunte Culpepper can't beat out Josh McCown in Oakland and Byron Leftwich is auditioning to see if he can take snaps away from Joey Harrington, life on the waiver wire doesn't seem to be full of opportunity. In hindsight, I'm sure McNabb wishes he'd treated Terrell Owens differently. Sure Owens is crazy and a megalomaniac, but at least he got open down the field. If T.O. is the Tracy Jordan of the league, then McNabb should have been his DotCom. (McNabb, after Owens drops a pass: "Wow, T.O., I can't believe you almost caught that, what with the crazy spin I put on the ball. Sorry, man. I'll do better next time.") At least then, McNabb would have some job security and maybe a few more wins (McNabb is 9-13 in his starts since the Super Bowl.)

Maybe McNabb should learn to kick a football between two goalposts. Apparently, you can play forever if you can do that consistently. The Falcons just signed 47 year-old kicker Morten Andersen after rookie Matt Prater went 1 for 4 to start the year. Andersen was drafted in 1982. To get a perspective on how much his career has outlived its generation, here are some other players from that '82 draft class: Jim McMahon, Darrin Nelson, Marcus Allen, Bubba Paris, and Mark Duper. When Morten Andersen entered the league, Jim Brown was still the all-time rushing leader (he's now 8th), Phoebe Cates was taking off her bikini top on the big screen, and Valerie Bertinelli was still thin. It was a long time ago. Now, Andersen just needs to stay in the league one more season and for the second consecutive year, one of George Blanda's records will be broken, this time for oldest player ever to suit up for a game. (The other record is the career INT record which Brett Favre will break shortly.)

It would also heighten Donovan McNabb's legacy if he were to take up placekicking. I'm pretty sure once he made his first field goal, he would immediately become the 2nd greatest black kicker of all-time. The best, of course, is the legendary Donald Igwebuike, who incidentally, is younger than Morten Andersen. It might not seem like much, but it's gotta be better than backing up Matt Schaub in Houston next season.