LPGA Milks Michelle Wie, Kills Santa

And like a good neighbor, State Farm is....hey, where'd ya go???

Michelle Wie shot a 65 at the State Farm Classic Friday and for whatever reason- excitement over being tied for the lead, requests for various interviews, or just unaccustomed to actually making it through two days of a tournament- she walked outside of the scorer's tent without signing her scorecard. Fortunately, a volunteer noticed the oversight and called Wie back to the tent where she then signed her card, which was unmodified and correct. Problem solved, right? Well...not exactly.

If there's one thing that golfing bodies like more than keeping black folks out of their country clubs, it's creating and enforcing obscure minutiae within their rules. As such, the USGA was quick to pounce on Wie's stroll outside of the scorer's tent and disqualify her from the event for violation of rule 6-6b. Actually, "quick" isn't the best choice of words. Although the LPGA was intent on disqualifying Wie, they did allow her to play the entire 3rd round, since it was being aired on ESPN and she was the only ratings draw for the tournament. Once the round was completed, and ESPN was given the opportunity to air one final Michelle Wie montage, tournament director Sue Witters went forth with her decision to DQ Wie:

"I felt like I was telling somebody that there was no Santa Claus," Witters said.

...upon which a dozen 6 year old girls waiting for Wie's autograph fled in tears. For the record, when Santa stopped visiting me, the most I lost out on was a few action figures and maybe a jersey. Wie was vying for a quarter million dollars.

I realize it's not in the USGA/LPGA's nature to bend the rules or have any sense of reason, but I have to wonder why they are enforcing one rule while ignoring a far more fundamental violation in the same tournament. Now that Wie has been eliminated, the LPGA should focus on current leader Yani Tseng. For those unfamiliar with Tseng, here is a recent picture of the Taiwanese player:




That's a 16 year-old boy, right? C'mon Yani- even the laziest Taiwanese tranny waxes his lip before a night on the town. Why is the LPGA allowing him to play? Seems like arbitrary rule enforcement to me. Also, has Disney already made a movie about a boy who dresses up like a girl to win a golf tournament? If not, does anyone want to help me write a treatment? If we get one of the Jonas Brothers to star in it, we'll make a fortune!

It has to be disappointing for Wie not to have the opportunity to complete what might have been a milestone victory for her. There is at least one silver lining, however. By being disqualified, the LPGA saved her from a possible collapse on her final day, which is a nice change of pace for her. And even tho she didn't get the victory, she can always say she should have won if not for a stupid rule. And I do mean always. Heck, just take a lesson from Raiders fans- how many years has it been since the "tuck rule" and it's still all you hear from them. Well, other than "I plead not guilty, your honor."

It's Getting Harder and Harder To Cover These Up

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell met with former Patriots gonzo video proprietor Matt Walsh early Tuesday to discuss allegations that the Patriots had a long history of illegally taping opponents' signals during games. After the meeting, Goodell held a press conference, which went basically like this:



Whew, that is a relief. Now if only Goodell could teach those techniques to NCAA president Myles Brand, who is being forced by the OJ Mayo story that won't go away to address the shamockery that is the concept of the student-athlete in big time sports.

To me, the most noteworthy aspect of the OJ Mayo allegations is the complete and utter lack of surprise elicited by the news. Not because it's USC or because of Mayo's past in particular, but more so because this is simply the state of intercollegiate basketball today. The name that surfaced happened to have been Mayo, but the reaction would have been the same had it been any of the other "one and done" players who were instead alleged to have accepted illegal benefits during their few months on a college campus. (Perhaps Kevin Love would have been a tad more surprising, but only because his family was already wealthy and so the temptation would not have been as great to take the money, and he would have had the resources to cover up any extra cash that fell his way.)

It's interesting that even tho this NCAA investigation is in its early stages, virtually no one in the media has criticized general public's rush to judgment. This is because most fans expect college basketball players to be getting cash under the table; and despite this rally of righteous indignation, we accept and tacitly endorse it. And so does Myles Brand, as long as his organization doesn't become so tarnished that ESPN and CBS stop their deliveries of dump trucks full of cash in exchange for television rights.

...

If fans truly want to embrace the concept of the student-athlete, then they're best option would be to follow sports that don't generate large revenues- sports like tennis, swimming, and wrestling. Unfortunately, that option is no longer available at Arizona State University. In the equivalent move of going in Friday afternoon to tell someone they're fired, ASU athletic director Lisa Love waited until her campus was a ghost town before making the announcement that the university of 50,000+ students would be eliminating those three men's sports from the athletic department. Love cited a lack of funding, although the cuts will only save about $1 million, or roughly a third of the $3 million she spent in buying out football coaches Dirk Koetter and Dennis Erickson from their respective contracts at ASU and Idaho. (Which may have been a sound financial move. Time will bear that out.)

Here's a quote from Lisa Love in 2005 when she was hired to replace AD Gene Smith (who has done an exceptional job in the same role at Ohio State):
"I know what it takes to build a champion. Acknowledging the importance of fundraising, student achievement while complying with the appropriate rules, and the pursuit of winning championships are all key factors to having a successful athletic program. Having been involved with a competitor of Arizona State University (USC), I am well-aware of the talented people who work in the Athletic Department and the tradition they bring to this university’s sports program."

So, how'd that fund raising go? Oh, and the wrestling program is (was) one of the most storied within the ASU athletic department, which in addition to winning a national title has actually (for better or worse) prepared quite a few individuals for a career in mixed martial arts. But hey, at least women's water polo (founded in 2002) is still alive. Thank you, Title IX!

(Normally, this is the portion of my rambling where I might rail against women's water polo as being more appropriate as a club sport than funded by the athletic department. But lately, it's the only sport where UCLA can win a championship, so hell yes, w. water polo is legit. I don't care if the head coach does wear flip flops pool side!)

AD Love alluded to the possibility that swimming, tennis, or wrestling could possibly be resurrected under the right conditions. I think those conditions had something to do with monkeys flying out of her butt.

Here's an idea. Find the agency that's funding James Harden's visit to ASU (note: I have no evidence that Harden is illegally receiving anything at ASU, except the fact that he is good at playing basketball) and ask them to sponsor an endowment to the athletic department in exchange for encouraging athletes to sign with them whenever it is socially acceptable for them to come out of the financial closet. It's a win-win.

You Can't Believe Everything You Read

Last night, the LA Times cited an anonymous source in reporting that Kevin Love had elected to go pro. Of course anyone that's vaguely familiar with the LA Times knew to be skeptical of any of their scoops. (I'm sure that Favre trade will be announced any day now.) His mother and coach quickly refuted the story.

Sure enough, the WNBA held their draft today, and Kevin Love's name was never read. You'd think that with Love's cache of old-school fundamentals, Kevin would be the top pick in the draft, right? Ok, maybe Love can't dunk as well as Candace Parker, so let's bump his slot down to #2.

Also, Love would have to shave the quasi-beard, but otherwise, his game is tailor-made for the league that David Stern refuses to let die. And yet, here we are at the end of the day, and Love still isn't being paid (above the table) to play basketball. So maybe there's still hope for UCLA fans that they'll have a center for the 2008-09 season.

By the way, that is Joey Dorsey pictured to the right, wearing the hat, isn't it? I pegged him for becoming a bouncer at a Memphis strip club after his college career ended, but I guess this should work too.

I Knew That's What Maria Sharapova Was Screaming

I haven't really had a chance to start following Wimbledon yet. It might have something to do with the 5 am PST starts. Fortunately, there's a video which does a good job capsulizing the experience of watching the women's side of the bracket:



...Add in some red knickers, and you're pretty much caught up going into the weekend.

Getting Excited For the Rubber Match

Game 3 of the girl's softball World Series is this afternoon in Oklahoma City. Arizona vs Tennessee, winner take all. While I haven't caught as much of the games as Phillip Fulmer and Pat Summitt, who were both in attendance for game 2 and stayed all 10 innings, I have caught enough of it that I'm actually interested in seeing who wins the whole thing. A few observations from the first two games:

-ESPN2 has been broadcasting the championship series in HD. Where is Jennie Finch when you need her? Actually, as Just Call Me Juice has already mentioned, the Wildcats have done a good job in carrying on the ponytailed pitcher tradition, and have a rather attractive lineup. The Volunteers on the other hand, have a few girls who are built more to ARod's liking. (Tho I do think Natalee Weissinger has got a lil' sumthin'.)

-All three games will feature the same starting pitchers, both of whom pitched complete games in the first two games. If you're going to play a series, there should be some rule in place forcing the game 2 starter to be a different individual than the game 1 starter. Otherwise, you might as well just play a one game, single elimination championship.

-The main physical attributes of a champion caliber non-pitcher are these: Ability to make contact, speed on the bases, slap hitting, fly ball power of 200 feet, and arm strength of about 90 feet. In other words, Juan Pierre would have made one helluva girl's softball player. Maybe the Dodgers can throw a wig on him and send him to UCLA. (Uh oh, I think I've given the Wayans bros. an idea for their next movie.)

-When a runner slides headfirst in a bag and then spends the next minute brushing dust off their chest, it's just delightful.

-The female umpire that's built like a lumberjack and sporting a mullet is not doing much to erase old stereotypes about women's softball.

-Neither is having Holly Rowe as the sideline reporter.

-What is the rarest and most exciting play in girls' softball? An inside the park home run? Unassisted triple play? For my money, it would have to be a bench clearing brawl. I haven't actually seen one yet, but in my mind, it's simply amazing.