So How Much Will It Cost To Get Them Out Of The House?

For all the heat ESPN deservedly gets from hacks like me, they deserve equal praise for their commitment to the V Foundation, a charity dedicated to cancer research in honor of the late Jim Valvano. Currently, ESPN has quite a few items and experiences available for auction on Ebay with the proceeds going to the foundation. I'd encourage everyone to check them out.

Amazingly (to me, at least), the item garnering the most attention from bidders is the opportunity to have Mike Greenberg and Mike Golic broadcast "Mike and Mike" from your home. With a day left in the auction, the bidding is over $30,000.00. That's more money than Greenberg made in book sales, I'm guessing.

Most likely, the high bidders are companies hoping to turn the auction into a pre-made commercial and good publicity. Plus, they get the added benefit of knowing that they're helping in the fight against cancer. Of course, they'll also be forced to listen to four hours of Mike and Mike, which might very well cause a brain tumor. So it's pretty much a wash.

Win A Chance To Do It Big With Joakim Noah. All Day. All Night.

You might not know what he's talkin' about. Starwood might not know what he's talkin' about. But his boys...his boys know.

Those who stay in Westins or Sheratons for business travel, vacations, or illicit affairs (tho if you're in the last category, you're overpaying. Motel 6 works fine for that) are given an opportunity to use their accumulated travel points to bid on "once in a lifetime" events. One of the items up for bid is a private basketball clinic with Joakim Noah. Starwood has the details:

Jump for a rare chance to shoot hoops with Chicago superstar Joakim Noah. Better bring your game, because you and nine friends could hit the court with Joakim for a private basketball clinic. Then put your knowledge and skills to the test with a shoot-around or pickup game following the clinic. We suggest you pick #13 for your team first.

This event would be better if one of your nine friends happened to be Ben Wallace and you got to watch them settle the score with each other. But even if Big Ben isn't your best bud, it's still not a bad prize. Not only do you learn a little bit about basketball, like "it's a lot easier to win when you've got Al Horford in the low block with you," but much like a clinic with coach K, you're not just learning about basketball. You're learning about life. During a day with Joakim you'll be given so much more. Hopefully, it isn't herpes. But perhaps, dancing lessons?



Then if things are really going well, sometime during the game, Joakim might be willing to give you a piggyback ride:



And hey, maybe during the clinic, you can teach Noah how to hit a jumper outside of 12 feet. Accomplish that miraculous feat, and you just might walk out of the clinic as the new head coach of the Chicago Bulls.