Michael Eisner Is Hoping Kids Will Let Ryan Howard Take A Few Strokes On Their Hands

The sports trading card industry has been dying a long, slow death. Anyone who thought they were going to retire with a closet full of Gregg Jefferies and Ken Griffey Jr rookie cards can tell you that. (Although right now, those cards might be worth more than their 401k.) Ever since Michael Eisner bought Topps in 2007, he's been looking for a way to make cards relevant again. Given his entertainment background, he's making the same move that desperate franchises like Friday the 13th and Amityville made. He's going 3-D. Hitting stores today will be Topps 3D Live, a set of baseball cards that seem like standard cards at first, but when held up to a webcam, will spring to virtual life:



Kind of cool, in a "Star Wars chess game" kind of way. But this series is marketed towards kids who won't have that sense of nostalgia; and it's hard to envision kids wanting to press "N" to throw a pitch at a target when they could they pick up their Wii Super Slam Bat and take a few hacks themselves.

So that just leaves adult men as potential buyers. But these packs are priced at two bucks a pop, and even in this economy, collectors believe that if they're going to get a 50 cent card, they want to pull it from a $100 pack. Still, I could see these filling a niche role for guys. For anyone with a webcam in their cubicle, these players could serve as a great little time-killer during conference calls. Also, these cards could be a big hit in the home of Yankees fans, who could get undressed, put their Derek Jeter card on the webcam, and finally fulfill all of those fantasies with the captain of their hearts. Just beware of virtual herpes.

Hmmm...maybe these virtual cards do have some potential. But rather than picking up a pack of Topps, I'm going to have to wait for Benchwarmer to license the technology.




Now that's worth two bucks a pop.

It's a Sad Day When An Athlete Has a Garage Sale

Lost in the midst of these trivial stories like a star athlete running an illegal, million dollar underground dog fighting operation or a steroid dealer giving names to the Mitchell investigation is a far greater travesty that has the potential to implode the culture of sports as we know it.

Athletes are having trouble holding on to their expensive toys.

Right now on Ebay, anyone with a half million burning a hole in their pocket can bid on David Ortiz's hand-built 2005 Mercedes Benz SL65 AMG. The 604 horsepower convertible only has 4,000 miles on it and will give you that clutch feeling every time you take the wheel. Ortiz actually stands to make a nice profit from the deal, as his cost was $240,000 and at the time of this writing, the highest bid is $465,300. Nevertheless, millionaire athletes are supposed to hoard luxury cars, not sell them. Since Ebay has switched to a more private system, I can't tell if the high bidder is "KobraKai04," but something tells me that right now, Bill Simmons is begging his publisher for an advance payment on his upcoming book.

If high-performance automobiles aren't your thing, perhaps I can interest you in Latrell Sprewell's yacht? The 70-foot, $1.5 million, Italian-built yacht has been repossessed after Sprewell's company, LSF Marine Holdings, was unable to keep up with the $10,322 monthly payments. I know, I know- it's hard to believe that Sprewell would make poor financial decisions, but it's true. Bargain hunters will be disappointed however, as documents indicate that he still has $1.3 million in principal remaining on the yacht, which was initially purchased in 2003. I had no idea you could buy a luxury item like this for somewhere in the neighborhood of 10% down. What mortgage broker do I have to choke to get terms like that?

Life is getting pretty tough for the professional athlete. It's no wonder so many are starting second businesses while still in their playing days. If in a few years, Yao Ming is found to be running a prostitution ring with young, Chinese refugees, you'll understand why. Those mansions don't pay for themselves.